You don't get it by wishing, staring, or hoping. You don't get it easy. You get it by working your ass off every single day.

Motivate motivate din ng sarili.

Summer outfits

Kung payat ako? Mag-i sleeveless talaga ko! Kaya lang hindi. Pero kung sakali lang naman. Hahaha. Eto yung mga na-type-an kong outfits for summer

All sandals are from zara.com

I'm really not a fan of sandals. Ayokong pinapakita yung paa ko. Pero since it's summer, parang mas maganda kapag naka-sandals ka, para maginhawa tingnan. At chaka beach/mall/parties appropriate.

First dress from hm.com - Middle dress from lojalabob.com - Last dress from rarefashion.co.uk

Again, I'm not a fan of dresses. Pero kung payat ako, mag-de dress din ako ngayon summer. Yung mga dress na flirty ganun. Hahaha!

Topleft skirt from collete.fr - topright skirt from stylefruits.co.uk - bottom left skirt from elle.com - bottom right skirt from wolfandbadger.com

Kung payat yung binti ko mag-i skirt na lang din ako lagi. Hayyys. Anyway, favorite ko yung brown! Hehehe.

Dress from hm.com

Topleft button-down from sheinside.com - Topright button-down from vionneboutique.com - Bottom left button-down from vj-style.com - Bottom right button-down hm.com

There's something about button-downs that I can't resist. Hayyy. Casual, laid-back...

Top left and right from hm.com - bottom left and right from topshop.com

I know you won't peg me for the girly and flirty kind of girl, but if you're body isn't that flattering, you'll end dressing like me. I stick with the tomboyish way off dressing because girlie clothes don't suit me. But yep, gusto ko rin magsuot ng mga ganyan. Someday, someday.

top left from schutz.com - top right from mirabella.jp - bottom left from trendme.net - bottom right from amazon.com

Just like button-downs, there's also something about brogues that I can't resist. Sighhh. I love the denim one!

cardigan from arkclothing.com

I know it's summer, but I really love this cardigan! If we were a country who experiences snow, I'll wear cardigans every day when the weather gets cold.

That's about it. Cheers for the summer!

If words can kill, I was dead back then since when I was 5

Even then, I'm always asking myself if I did something wrong with my life and why do I deserve to be here. 18 years of dealing with all the bullshit, trying to tell myself that I'm not supposed to feel this way. I thought 18 years were enough, but clearly I was wrong. At an early age, I've been writing hate letters because of my rage and frustrations that are welling inside me. I tried to fight them. I hate it. I hate it because I'm not supposed to feel that way, but as the years go by, the more harder it is to fought through the haze. I want to love. I want to understand. I'm doing my best to understand, to cope, in my own way. It's just, I'm getting tired. Of fighting. Of understanding. So help me God.

On my way to being healthy

Isang araw nung March, siguro mga two weeks before April, ang binili nilang ulam ay tinumis (o dinuguan) basta yon! Eh ayoko non. Kaya hindi ako kumaen maghapon. Tuesday yon. Tapos sabi ko, kaya ko palang di kumaen ng rice  maghapon at mabubuhay pala ko kahit skyflakes lang hahaha. Kaya ayun, kaya nag-start na bale yung diet ko (ng hindi sinasadya) tapos nag-tuloy tuloy lang.
Hindi ako nag-sukat ng timbang, pero tantsa ko nasa mga 57 o 58 siguro ako. Nung pasukan kasi nung June, nung nagpa-medical kami, 55 kilos ako. Eh ang laki ng tinaba ko, kaya yun ang tantsa ko. Tapos nung nakaka-isang linggo na ko ng diet, pumunta ko Good Sam kasi na-ospital yung tita ko. Wednesday yun, day after ng one week ng diet ko. Eh diba merong mga timabangan dun? Nag-timbang ako. 54 kilos na lang. Hahahahaha. Shet yung tuwa ko di ko maipinta eh. Hahaha
 Kapag tinatanong ako kung gusto ko kumaen, sinasabi ko diet ako. Akala ko nga pagtatawanan ako, pero hindi. Pag sinasabi ko dito sa bahay ko na diet ako, hindi ako pinagtatawanan nila mommy at dikong. Nung sinabi ko din sa mga tita at pinsan ko, hindi din sila natawa. Kaya sabi ko, wala naman palang "nakakatawa" sa pagda-diet.
Tapos nung Wednesday, inaya din ako ni mommy mag-lakad everyday sa palengke para makatipid kami sa pamasahe, tapos na-e excercise pa kaming dalawa. Bali nakaka-four days na kami.
Kaya ayun, Sunday ngayon. 4 days after nung huli kong weigh-in. Nagsukat ako kaninang umaga, tiningnan ko kung may pagbabago na. 52 kilos na lang ako! Tinignan ko sa BMI calculator kung overweight  na ko, hindi na daw! 22 na ang BMI ko! Wooohoo! Hahahahahaha.
Wala lang. Ang saya ko lang. Syempre bilang babae, gusto ko din magsuot ng mga damit na uso. At chaka nakakasawa din pagsabihan ng,"Tumataba ka". Pero syempre ginagawa ko din to para sa sarili ko. Namatay daddy ko dahil sa hypertension. Yung mother side ko puro may sakit sa puso. Ang dami ko pang pangarap sa buhay, ayoko mamatay ng maaga.
Kaya ayun. Minsan nag-ke crave din ako. Lalo na sa coke. Langyang coke yan. Hahaha. Pero pag bibili na ko, tapos hihigop ako, parang merong nagsasalita sa isip ko na,"Kapag uubusin mo yan, sayang lahat ng paghihirap mo." tapos sisipsip lang ako ng isa tapos ibibigay ko na kay dikong.
Ayun. Sana mag-tuloy tuloy na. Sabi ko dati sa sarili ko kapag pumayat ako, yung sakto lang, magpapa-pixie cut ako ng buhok. Sana pumayat ako kasi gusto ko magpa-ganun! Hahahahaha.
Have a happy and productive summer everyone! Apirrrr!

March books!

Received my package last March 25. Bought these books online last January and I was expecting them to arrive last Feb, but apparently they came late cos they were from the States. May magandang side din naman yon since nag-ipon pa ko ng pang-bayad ng balance ko. Hahahaha.

These are the books that I bought!

• Nine Stories by J.D. Salinger - Bought for only 40 pesos! A little old and battered. I still have yet to read Salinger's of The Catcher in the Rye, but this is a start
• Hawksong by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes - Bought for only 60 pesos. Very good condition, almost new. The book is about shape-shifters. Um, avian and serpent shape-shifters that are archenemies. So the daughter and son fell in love blah blah. The rating is surprisingly on Goodreads so I bought it hehehe.
• The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris - 70-peso purchase! Almost brand new. Watched the movie a lot of times, mom's favorite. I also have all the books from the series except this one, so now my collection is complete. Yay!
• The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud - 90-peso purchase. I think this one's brand new. Hahaha. Although the pages are yellowed due to old-age. But the cover is in very good condition.

Dapat may Eragon yan, worth 100 pesos. Buti nalang din hindi dumating kasi kulang pangbayad ko. Hahahaha.
Anyway, I just had to say this. 2GO is veryyyyyyyy efficient and fast. Grabehan lang. Shinip nilang ng Friday, dumating ng Sabado ng umaga. Hanep. Hands down, hands down. Galing! Fixed price din yung shipping fee nila, I think.