Birthday Wishlist 2014

I'm turning 20 this year! Shit. Hahaha. I don't know if I'm ready (or will I ever be) to move on from my teenage life. I feel so old, like really FEEL it. I know that I'm old, and I really KNOW it. I just don't to accept it yet! So you can imagine this on going fight happening inside me.
I know, I know. 20 is not that old blah blah blah. But pshh. If 20 is "not" old, then what is the age when you can tell yourself that you're not young anymore, right?
But that is another story for another time, because I'm here today to tell you my... birthday wishlist for this year! Lol. It's actually kinda late, because it's already the 17th of July. But what the hell, I love posting these things, so here you go!

• A curling iron/rollers/rods/whatever. I want to CURL my hair sooo bad. Hahahaha. I don't know why, but I really do. I finally got my hair colored into something copperish last May, but I want to do something different again. I also learned how to blow dry and iron my hair with an straightening iron, so that's the reason why I want to learn how to curl my hair!
• A new phone. I dropped my tab last... month (?) when I accompanied Jorenn to get his driver's license at LTO and the screen got broken. I can still use it, but the lower part of the screen is now unresponsive, so some of the important features can't be used. Boo me. Jorenn called me, and when I stood up, I forgot that my tab was on my lap! Biggest facepalm of the year. Ughh.
• String ng gitara o bagong gitara. Dejoke, string lang pwede na. Haha. D-string lang na nylon ang kailangan ko pero ubligadong set ang bilin mo pero wala akong pera kaya kailangan ko ng pera makabili ng isang set. Hahahaha.

Actually wala na kong ibang hiling ngayong birthday ko. Sa dami ng problemang naranasan at nararanasan ko sa buhay ko ngayon, ayoko na talaga umasa sa mga bagay bagay. I mean, wala naman na kasing taong magbibigay niyan sakin. Dati yung kuya ko, kaya lang matagal ko ng tinigilan umasa. Lagi ka lang naman masasaktan, edi itigil mo na lang.

• Kaya ang totoong hiling ko kay Lord sa twentieth birthday ko eh, sana makatapos ako ng pag-aaral, at sana naman mahintay ako ng mga mahal ko sa buhay ang panahon na yon. Kung di ako nabigyan ng chance na mabigyan ng maginhawa at maganda buhay si Daddy, Lord, nagmamakaawa na ako, sana ibigay niyo na po sakin to. Lord. Yun lang po talaga ang hinihiling ng puso ko sa araw-araw. Sana po wag niyo na po muna kunin sakin ang mga mahal ko sa buhay. Hindi ko na po ata kaya. Jusko. Thank you po!

Ayan. Hahaha. Iba talaga kapag tumatanda. Feel na feel ko nga eh. Feel na feel ko talagang onti-onti ng nagbabago yung mga hiling ko sa buhay. Yung mga gusto ko sa buhay. Dati inda ako ng inda sa problema, ngayon kebs na lang. Putangina. Kung wala edi wala, kung meron edi masaya. Dati pilit ako ng pilit, ngayon hindi. Kung ayaw edi ayaw. Hahahahaha. Tapos na ang mga panahong ako'y umaaasa pa.
ANYWAY. Hahahaha. Yun lang! Ayan. Hahaha. Thank you Lord sa almost 20 years ko sa mundo! <3

Life Recently

It's been a long time since I've blogged about... well, anything. There's nothing new, except for the fact that I'm currently on a hiatus from reading. I don't know. I've been busy all summer long and up until now...

• I don't know when my summer vacation started, but maybe it was in the middle of March... I went to Manila (at my ninang's house) and stayed there for 2 weeks together with my nephew (just the three of us) where I gained 22 pounds. In just two weeks!!! I know. All we did was eat, sleep, and repeat for 2 weeks!
• We went home on March 30. I attended a birthday celebration on April 1 and my cousins were VERY surprised when the saw me. Hahaha. I have a photo to show as evidence.
   
  I never really believed people when they say I'm fat. I don't know. Maybe because we can't really see ourselves just by looking at the mirror. Maybe others can see the "real" us. So when I saw this photo, I was surprised as well. I never believed that I've gotten this big.
  • And since I was going to be a bridesmaid on May 3, I panicked and decided to go on a diet the day after! Those days were some of the most painful experiences of my life.  I was eating less than 1200 everyday. I stopped eating rice. And after a while, I've lost my appetite and stopped eating meat too. I only eat vegetables and fruits. But all the hard work paid off because I lost 22 pounds!
  
  
  
   This was me last May 2, 2014. I was 50 or so kilos at that time. I know I'm still not "skinny" and my arms and legs are still huge (even now), but I'm happy. Well, to say that I'm "happy" is an understatement because I am ECSTATIC. I actually made it!!!
  
  • After the wedding of my cousin in Baguio last May 3, we went home to Cabanatuan. I was at my aunt's almost everyday up to May 12 just hanging out with my cousins. And EATING. Hahaha. To eat freely again is one of the nicest feelings in the world. Hahahaha. Ugh. I miss you, cousins!
  • And since we ate a lot, I was afraid that I got fat again. So I went on a diet again for ten days before the opening of the new school year. And I actually achieved it! AGAIN!!!! Yayyyyyyyyyy
  
  Right now, my weight ranges from 49 kilos and 52 kilos. Every time I eat something and feel bloated because of the amount of food I've  consumed, I always feel fat. It became an obsession. An annoying one too. It's so hard to maintain your weight and keep it on a constant value since eating can be so therapeutic, especially with all these school works!
  
  P.S. For women, losing just ONE kilo of body mass is actually a MIRACLE. So don't be hard on yourself, okay? Unlike men, we don't shed body fat THAT FAST. So if you can't see any results even with one week of dieting, don't give up! Just wait and be patient. Continue your diet and see the fruitful results in the end! Wink ;)

College tip

People should not judge others based on the school that they are currently enrolled in. They should not also make judgments about you because of the course/program you're studying. Every college program is different and every person is different. Just because you think it's good, does not always mean that another person will think of the same  thing. We all have our own weaknesses, and we all have our own strengths. And you may be successful right now in what you do, but that does not mean that we can all be successful if we take up the same course/program that you did. We all take different paths, different roads. We make our own decisions, our own mistakes, our own choices. No one should dictate it to us.

So if you're an incoming first year student and you're still undecided on what course to take and program to choose, just always remember to do it for yourself and don't ever make a choice based on what your parents or your friends or your relatives told you.

And if you ever find yourself unhappy in your first semester, then shift to another course. Mistakes are a crucial part in growing up. You would never know what you really want in life unless you try it.

Looking back, I start to wonder if I would be happier if my mom did not dismissed me when I told her I wanted to take up Interior Design in college, when I was still a kid. If she told me to go for it and pursue it, would I be in an arts school and studying to be an interior designer right now? Would I even consider taking up Biology and IT in college? I don't know.

And that is why I want you to make decisions based on what you really want to do and what your heart is telling you. I don't want to you to have "what ifs" and regrets in life. Yes, you will probably make mistakes along the road. But at least you tried. You tried. And that will make you stronger.

Don't let other people, even if they're your parents, to decide for yourself. Speak up. Do what you want. You're old enough to do that. Go ahead and spread your wings. Try something new. Make risks. Make mistakes. Don't take anyone's orders. In the end, you won't regret the mistakes but the opportunities you didn't take.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can N̶E̶V̶E̶R̶ hurt me

Bakit may mga tao na sobrang sasama ng ugali? Yung tipong walang preno yung bibig. Yung tipong walang filter yung  bibig. Yung kung ano yung pumasok sa isip nila sa sasabihin nila, sasabihin pa din nila kahit makakasakit sila. Sobrang insensitive lang na walang pakielam sa nararamdaman o mararamdaman ng ibang tao.

Porket nakakaangat ka lang sa estado ng buhay mo, sa palagay mo ba talaga may karapatan ka na na magsalita ng mga masasakit na salita sa katulad ko na mahirap lang?

Sabi ko sa sarili ko kanina, nung iniisip ko pa lang kung iba-blog ko to, sabi ko hindi ako iiyak. Pero hindi ko mapigilan. Kasi lang naiisip ko lahat ng mga sinasabi mo over the years, tas dagdag mo pa yung PMS. Sobrang emotionally unstable ko lang. UGHHHH

Tapos habang tina-type ko to, Mean pa ni Taylor Swift yung kanta like... SOBRANG RELATE LANG

Dati hindi to big deal saken, like whatever say what you wanna say, kaya lang hindi ko alam kung bakit ngayon sobrang affected ako.

Kung depressed nga ako (na sa palagay ko naman ay hindi), siguro eto yung isang dahilan kung bakit depressed ako.

Pero siguro kasama talaga sa buhay yon. Hindi talaga siguro pwedeng lumipas yung isang linggo na hindi ka iiyak.

Kaya excuse me, iiyak lang ako ng bonggang bongga dahil hindi ko na kaya. Goodnight!

Moving On

Mag-move on ka na! Wag mo na siya ng antayin bumalik sa'yo! Sumuko na siya eh! Sinukuan ka niya. Mahal mo siya, gago siya. Isang araw ka lang malungkot o umiyak or kung ano man ginagawa ng isang babae kapag nakipag-break. Sa susunod, anger na agad! CHOS. Hahaha. Pero kasi di ba, gustong-gusto mong ipaglaban eh. Tapos siya, wala lang? Suko agad. Tinalikuran ka na parang kantang pinag-sawaan. Kapag may lumabas na bagong single, move on agad? NAKO HA. Di mo deserve!
Ako po ay naniniwalang dapat ang mga boyfriend ay takot na mawala ka. Hindi yung purong babae na lang. Ano ba nawawala sa lalake kapag pumapasok kayo sa relationship? WALA. Yung mga babae, yung iba jan bawal pa mag-jowa pero sinagot ka pa din kasi mahal ka! Kahit malilintikan yan sa nanay o tatay niyan, push lang! Tapos kahit mahirap mag-mahal ulet, kahit mahirap mag-tiwala ulit, nag-tiwala pa din siya sa'yo. TAPOS AAYAW KA LANG NA PARANG WALA LANG?! ANO TO INTERNET CAFE KAPAG TAPOS NA ANG ONE HOUR, AT KAPAG AYAW NA MAG-EXTEND GANON NA LANG?!!! Nako ha.
Alam ko naman na may mga relationships na mabilisan lang talaga. Mga flings ganon. Pero ako kasi, hindi ako naniniwala sa temporary love. Pero sa tingin ko naman, karamihan sa mga babae e hindi rin naniniwala don. As mush as possible, gusto namin na pang-matagalan na. Pwera na lang siguro kung gusto mo papalit-palit ng boyfriend? Haha. Anyway, sabi ko nga siguro karamihan sa babae gusto yung matagal na relationship. Yung monthsary niyo magiging anniversary, ganon! Pero yun nga.
Moving on, gusto ko lang sabihin na mag-move on ka na. Sayang ang beauty! Wag mag-settle sa isa. Hayaan mo siya sa bagong girlfriend niya o sa mga "mas" importanteng priorities nya! Marami pa jan. Dadating din yung time na makakakita ka ng lalakeng tatratuhin ka na maganda. Gentleman. Pwedeng badboy pero sa inside sweet siya (o mag isip ka na ng gusto mong artista o book boyfriend). Kung wala pa, wag mong palungkutin sarili mo. Smile. Magpa-ganda. Hindi siya kawalan. Wag mo sayangin ang luha mo. Tama na ang pag-asa sa mga pangakong hindi naman natutupad. Tama na ang disappointments twing may excuses siya. Dapat strong! Fierce! Independent!!! GIRL POWER!!!
Hahahahaha. CHAROT.
Pero yun nga. Move on. Tapos kung sakali man na makakita ka na ng bago, matuto ka sa mga lessons sa past relationship mo. Wag mo ibigay lahat. Magtira ka para sa sarili mo at lagi mong tatandaan, GIRL POWER. Hindi dapat ikaw ang takot na mawala siya, dapat it's the other way around. Sa kanila, walang nawawala. Sa totoo lang. Hahahaha (sorry guys masyado akong racist... tama ba? ano ba tawag kapag bias sa isang gender? hahaha) Ayun nga. Magtira para sa sarili. Ang mga lalake dapat ang takot na mawala ang babae! GIRL POWER!!! HAHAHAHA. Mahalin mo sila, pero syempre iisipin mo din naman na pwedeng hindi rin naman kayo magkakatuluyan sa future. Kaya wag ka takot na mawala siya, kasi meron at merong tao para sa'yo. Nagkakataon lang na may mga tao talaga na nauuna nang nakikita ang prince charming nila. Pero wag ka mag-alala, dahil makikita mo din siya. :)
P.S. Hindi ko nilalahat ang mga lalake. :)